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'If only...' syndrome. Do you suffer from it too?


"If only COVID had not happened",

"If only I had a more cooperative boss",

"If only I had a powerful team",

"If only my spouse was more supportive",

"If only I had more resources",

If only… if only…


There are lot of things in quite a few areas of life that are not working the way we would want them to and we all know the barriers too! All of those that I mentioned above and many more. We keep wishing and hoping for things to change. We make efforts too. Interestingly, all our efforts are directed towards changing that which lies outside of us – people around, situations at hand, circumstances et al.


The funny part is none of this is in our control. Isn’t it? Even I am not in my own control. I am being driven by my brain. Then does that mean there’s no point making any efforts? Well, YES and NO. Yes, if you’re fine surviving. No, if you want to go beyond and thrive. That needs work, massive work with self. If you actually get to the core of it, all that you’re dealing with, even the smallest bit, good or bad, is an outcome of your thoughts. That’s where it all starts. Every action that you take is a manifestation of your thoughts. Action gives you the result. Hence, the quality of your thoughts define the quality of your life. So then, if you could control your thoughts, do you think you could have the life that you desire?


That is the work I am talking about. If your thoughts are creating your reality, how about you CHOOSE the thoughts that you want to think? Your actions and behaviors change accordingly. Obviously, results change as well. Now, you may wonder how do you choose from the 60000 thoughts that you encounter every day, most of which are negative and repetitive. It surely is difficult. However, if you understand the source of these thoughts, it may help. These thoughts are impacted by your deep-rooted beliefs. Whatever are the beliefs that you’ve created from your childhood experiences, from your other life experiences, from the environment, from others experiences, all give you the thoughts that you get. So, to change the thoughts to more positive ones, you need to work on altering your core beliefs that are not serving you and are limiting you. How do you do that?



These thoughts occur to us in the form of language. For example, if my belief is “I am not good enough”, the resultant thought “I should not share my views and just keep quiet” is language that I’m using to communicate with myself. This language (thought) is then responsible for the actions I take (keep quiet and not share). Hence, the result. If I alter this language, then my altered thoughts may lead me to take different actions and hence produce different results. This applies to not only the beliefs that we carry for ourselves but beliefs that we have created for everyone else around us.


This definitely doesn’t happen overnight. It is a journey, a process that needs time and effort. However, you need to start. So go ahead, pick an area where you’re facing challenge, figure out the language that you’re using to communicate with yourself. Now, what would you like to alter this language to? Use the new language over and over again. What is the experience like?


As you progress, I promise this will turn out to be a journey of transformation, that which would lead to the life that you desire!


Remember, you need to make the CHOICE.

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